If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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