I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
