hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
