So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
