It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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