just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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