did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
