I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
