I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
