We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
