did you get engaged???
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I cockslap morals
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
