grandma shit on top of the toilet
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
