I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
