If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
