I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
