An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
