We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
