Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
