wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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