I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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