All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
