fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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