like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
