I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
