hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
