Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
