A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
