I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize