can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
