The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
