he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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