Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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