New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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