is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
we should paint friendship bongs
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