your parents love me but you hate me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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