so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize