we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Don't tell me you're on acid again
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
