I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
