Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
