Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
