Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
