This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize