Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
