I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
