i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
