david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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