Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
