i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize