I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
