it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
