splinters make it hard to masturbate
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
