so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
