He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
