I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
