Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
