I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
