Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
P.S. I can't hear my feet
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
