I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
