I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize