She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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