Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
