make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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