I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Randomize