hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
