I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Randomize
