the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
