R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
