I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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