He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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