he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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