If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You pole danced in your parka.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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