My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize