Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
