matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize