We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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