Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
