I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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