There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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