nut hugger
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
