So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
