She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
being pregnant is like rehab
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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