I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
