I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize