In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
