she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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