Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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