Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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