cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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