Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Michael Bay diarrhea
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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