I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
