You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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