I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
