goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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