Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
