someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
