I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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