Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
