AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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