When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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