All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize